2023 seemed to be a year where everything I did was not enough.
But Christmas was coming and I was so excited about gifts we had planned for the kids. Secrets. Big secret gifts. I’m good at keeping secrets. But these were more than a little difficult. We were a week out from Christmas and the kids had not discovered the secrets. I was so excited!
I had a strange apprehensive feeling that afternoon. What if something crazy/hard/bad happened before Christmas Day, our planned family Christmas gift exchange, arrived?
11 PM that night. Phone rings. And I’m not even surprised. Because, you know, this is what God has been doing the past few years. One emergency after another. One trauma on top of the other.
My brother tells me Dad is being loaded into an ambulance, he’s showing typical heart attack symptoms.
The day of his successful open heart surgery I told Nathan and the kids I wanted to do Christmas gifts that night. I was fearful that something else would happen to interrupt happiness. And I so wanted to give our secrets, our gifts, in happiness.
My desire was granted.
We pulled off our surprises. The kids were delighted. And my heart was full.
I wanted to travel the thousand miles to see my dad. But the before-Christmas flight prices were higher than what all 10 of us could drive for. My desire was not granted that day.
It wasn’t until a few days later that my husband found out he’ll have the week after Christmas off work. We decided to make the trip as a family. My heart was finally settled. And I greatly enjoyed telling my family we’d be coming for a visit!
.
.
.
My van had broken down earlier that week. Nathan checked it out the day we were scheduled to start our trip, and confirmed that it needs more work than he has time to put into it that day. Plan 2, take the Excursion. He swapped out a part in that. And. It. Wouldn’t. Start.
When he came to the house to tell me my already tightly strung body froze for a minute. Then many words and tears and emotions flowed out.
I continued cleaning, still crying. My heart was in a quandary of accepting the truth in the words Nathan spoke “maybe we’re not supposed to make this trip”, and my hope that he could fix this mess (as he so often does), and my desperate desire to see my family.
He came to the house 30 minutes later to tell me he had found a van we could rent. I cried harder.
“If that’s okay with you” he said.
Yes. That’s okay with me. Yes.
Nathan and our eldest drove an hour for that van, we packed up and headed East.
The drive was uneventful, which is the best kind, and what I pray for each time we make this thousand-mile trip.
We spent a few wonderful days with family.
And my heart was filled again. God had granted my desire. He answered my desperate, pleading prayer with a yes.
